Ant or Dec’s salad accident should be a warning to us all

Axegrinder was halfway through his bacon sandwich this morning perusing the morning editions, as is his wont, when he got as far as the tabloids.

It seems that one of Ant and Dec chopped the top of his thumb off with some form of salad making device causing him a reasonable amount of discomfort. Now, his level of pain is nowhere near that of which he and his carbon-copy inflicts upon the British people several times a week.

The Sun reveals that the television “star” was preparing dinner for his comrade-in-arms. This chopping incident, however, must have caused considerable consternation in the ITV bunker as senior management scramble to deal with the crisis.

One of their most highly prized assets was only a stainless steel grater away from becoming an analogue star in a digital age. But the person who should have been most worried by the almost-amputation is the uninjured member of the partnership. Would viewers feel comfortable being able to tell the difference between Ant and Dec by looking for the scarred remnants of his thumb, or would the other guy be forced to undergo a similar procedure for the good of the team?